Monday, March 7, 2011

No pokey please

I am truly am a phlebotomist's nightmare. 

I am never one to actually ENJOY needles.  Even those cholesterol pricks in the fingers. I would dread them, squeeze my eyes shut and tense up. As far back as I can remember... I mean, you'll NEVER catch me shooting heroine!

A few years back, while I was in college, my doctor's office tried to take some blood and do a work up. I was awfully tired, and they wanted to see why.

After 5 ATTEMPTS at attaching veins that were more for show, than actually supplied blood to any of my vital organs, they brought in the "BIG GUN."  The Nurse practitioner who has never MISSED.... Well... I broke her streak. She was not happy... nor was I.

They finally sent me to the lab.  I drove home looking like I had been attached, 3 gauzy bandages on each arm... I drove myself to the lab feeling a bit sorry for myself.  There, I met a phlebotomist who truly knew what she was doing.  She didn't even really look at my arm, she knew the vein was there, and felt it. On needle later, I was heading out of the door with an orange juice box in my hand and a cookie.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I wad to go to the hospital... Each nurse would check both of my arms repeatedly, pinching, slapping, cutting off circulation, making me pump my fists... anything for a miracle vein. After a while, they would hit one, but its never fun.

So now when I go to get blood work done, I ALWAYS go to the lab, but I wish that was a guarantee of a one shot wonder... but its still not the case.  

I walk into the office. Announce that I am the HARDEST person to draw from, and tell them I need baby butterfly needles (all things the PREVIOUS poker would instruct me) for the next time.  They would smile and say "ok".  Until they finally start to examine my arms and realize... I'm apparently barely alive! Freezing hands, and low blood flow...

Well... Monday was no exception. I left with 2 bandages... But this time, I wrote down exactly where they got the vein from. Hopefully next year, I'll have more insight into my amazing body.

LEFT ARM CROOK! That's my "golden" vein!

BTW... No matter how BIG I have ever been.... apparently my veins are quite small... TAKE THAT size Zeros out there!

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